Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
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just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
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Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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