Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Houston, we have a squirter
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
