So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
