I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
