Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize