he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
