dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
