Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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