No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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