rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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