My room smells like vodka and shame
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize