Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
