i love accidental penises.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
