There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
