chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
