A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend