My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
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Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
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I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️