Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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