did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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