Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
