He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize
