I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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