In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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