office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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