dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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