gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
