i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
