I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize