Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
