Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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