How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
