Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
