every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
