Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
