so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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