No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Randomize
