i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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