I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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