i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
