no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
