I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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