The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
