i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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