I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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