I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
