is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
