I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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