I was born with a shot glass in my hand
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
