ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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