in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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