I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she told me i tasted like america
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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