So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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