I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
