I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
