I'm going to jail i love you
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize