You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She is in my trunk
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
