Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Farmville is her only friend.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
