Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
ttyl tear gas
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
