he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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