o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
