I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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