I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
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Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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