This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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