Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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