I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
why do cheetos always look like penises
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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