DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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