I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I will die if light touches me.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
