I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
