I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize