Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
