If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
