someone threw a dead crab at me
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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