I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
