I faked an abortion last night.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
