just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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