Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
