She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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