roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
