you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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