Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
